A Customer Writes:
Dear Advanced Resin Solutions,
It’s not often I get the chance to really maximise the use of my spare time and bring out the best of my latent talents. But on a recent occasion, I was lying on the sofa in my wife’s dressing gown watching daytime TV and doing a risk assessment. How long I could dunk a malted milk biscuit into a hot cup of tea before it would melt in half? I can now report that it happens surprisingly quickly. And often. Until it comes to a point where there is so much biscuit in there that it just stands on top like the monolith in 2001: A Space Odyssey.
By bizarre coincidence, it was at that exact point I noticed that the telly appeared to be full of angry hominids promoting a theme of broken bones and serious injury. It was an advert for Compensationlawyersforyou.com.
After this abrupt intermission, I was left with the impression that we are surrounded by a vast population of the terminally clumsy. Worse. These people are actually so shiftless that they invite themselves to workplaces around the country where they fling themselves from any available staircase, ramp or helicopter landing pad that has been inadequately treated with the correct paint. Crunch! Is that the sound of breaking bones? Who is this unconscious lout spurting claret all over the bottom of my stairwell? Let me see … he has an emergency bracelet … let’s have a look … what’s his blood type … let’s see … it reads … “IN EMERGENCY … call 0800 NO*WIN*NO*FEE now!”:
Then I woke up. It was just a terrible dream. But it made me think, it really did. So I got on the phone immediately to Advanced Resin Solutions and I have to thank you for putting my mind at ease. Now that you have kindly agreed out of the goodness of your hearts to come and get paid for repainting my factory floor, I can get back to dreaming about dunking biscuits again.